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Being a baby bore is not so bad. When you consider how completely a new mum falls in love with her newborn, it’s understandable that she’ll want to prattle on about how her little one is the brightest/best-looking/most easygoing baby who’s ever been born. And if you’re cuddling her new squidgy little bundle, it’s easy to forgive her. But being a pregnancy bore? Now, that’s something people find harder to forgive.
Give it a rest!
Catherine Dixon, 29, is 31 weeks pregnant. ‘There’s a woman in my office who’s due almost exactly the same time as me, but it’s like she’s the Queen of Pregnancyland,’ she says.
‘She sits there all day, stroking her bump and giving us all a running commentary: “Oh, I just felt baby doing a somersault… Oh, baby’s got hiccups…” I feel like tapping her tummy and saying, “Baby, would you mind asking mummy to shut up and do some work?”’
Catherine’s experience is far from unusual. Most of us know at least one bump bore – someone so wrapped up in her pregnancy it’s as if nothing, or no one, else exists.
In fact, we’ve probably all been guilty of the odd yawn-inducing moment ourselves. When I was expecting my son, I could switch the conversation from any subject – EastEnders, the weather – to my pregnancy with a single sentence.
‘Talking of heavy showers, did I mention I’m having to get up to wee five times a night?’ But while every woman feels the need to talk about her pregnancy occasionally, just what makes some of us cross the line from blooming to blooming boring?
Chartered psychologist Susan Ashbourne believes problems can arise if we feel isolated during pregnancy. ‘The idea of having a baby can be very scary, and so women use the nine months of pregnancy to prepare themselves mentally.
Sharing your feelings is an effective way of doing this, and in times gone by you’d probably have had extended family – aunts, cousins, your mother – living close by, who you could discuss things with.
These days, with nuclear families, we don’t have as many opportunities to talk. Antenatal classes can be useful, but quite often they don’t start until near the end of pregnancy. Until then you’re often surrounded by people who aren’t in the same state as you, and it can be quite isolating if you don’t feel they quite understand where you’re coming from.’
Isobel Goodwin, 26, is 37 weeks pregnant. She was the first in her group of friends to get pregnant. ‘From day one, it was like something flipped in my brain. If anyone, even a stranger, showed an interest in talking about my growing bump, I really went for it,’ she recalls.
‘I remember telling the guy behind the cheese counter in Sainsbury’s that I couldn’t have Stilton because I was pregnant. Fair enough. But then I started on about the size of my bump, and how it was really low down and not up underneath my breasts like my friend’s… I just couldn’t seem to stop myself.’
Thirty-year-old Sally Corbett had a similar experience when she was expecting Ellie, now six months. ‘I was really proud of being pregnant, but I didn’t look it until I was about seven months. So before that, I made up excuses to tell people. In Boots, I’d be like, ‘Can you use this moisturiser when you’re PREGNANT? Is this hair dye OK for PREGNANT women to use?’
Yes darling, of course darling…
It’s one thing boring the overalls off random shop assistants, but what about our partners? How does your man feel about the woman he loves turning into a one-subject wonder?
‘It sounds harsh, but I just used to tune out Sarah’s voice,’ says Gavin Collins, dad to Jack, now 19 months. ‘She moaned all through the first trimester about feeling sick; all through the second because she kept catching bugs, and in the third, she got a bad back and went on and on about how painful it was. There wasn’t much I could say.’
If you’re paranoid about becoming a pregnancy bore, you’d think the easiest thing to do would be to say nothing at all for nine months. Sadly, it’s even possible to be a bump bore without saying a word. ‘I invited a group of friends over one evening, including one who happened to be pregnant,’ says Claudia Eels, 28.
‘Unfortunately, I’d put some pepperoni on one of the pizzas. She stood in the kitchen picking it all off with a stony look on her face, then she refused to eat the lettuce because it had “come out of a bag”. She even washed the cherry tomatoes because they’d touched the lettuce.’
Be especially on your guard during the final trimester. ‘In the later stages of pregnancy, women tend to withdraw a bit from the outside world, and become less interested in it,’ says Susan Ashbourne. What’s more, the same nesting instinct that makes you want to scrub your skirting boards with a toothbrush can lend your conversations an obsessive edge.
‘Towards the end my brain was whirring away like a computer, and I couldn’t switch it off,’ says Kirsty Reid, 33, mum to Hannah, 22 months. ‘I used to wake my husband at 4am to talk about pushchairs. I found a list recently that I’d written for him, telling him what to do when I went into labour. It was like it was written by a madwoman – it was three pages long. I’m sure he didn’t read a word of it.’
Pregnancy can be an overwhelming experience, but that doesn’t mean becoming a bump bore is inevitable. Stay interested in other people, and find a safe outlet for your baby chat, be it another pregnant friend or an internet chatroom. Most of all, just follow your instincts: if the person you’re speaking to has their hands over their ears and is singing, ‘La, la, la-la-la’, they’ve probably heard enough about your morning sickness for now.
Are YOU a bump bore? Take our quick quiz to find out
You’re 11 weeks pregnant and off to a party. What do you wear?
a) A mini skirt and midriff-revealing top. Flaunt it while you can…
b) Something nice and comfy, like a loose dress and flat shoes
c) A ‘Bump on board!’ T-shirt, XXL maternity jeans and a sick bag hanging round your neck on a gold chain
You’ve just had your first-trimester scan. What do you do with the pictures?
a) Think, ‘Hmmm, is that its head or its bum?’ and consign them to your desk drawer
b) Send one each to your mum, mum-in-law and best mate
c) Make 70 photocopies, stick some tinsel on the foetus’s head to turn it into a Xmas card, and send it to everyone you’ve ever met
Placenta Praevia is:
a) Singing Romania’s entry in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest?
b) Something to do with the placenta lying too low in the womb?
c) Well, first I’ll have to define the total, partial and marginal forms of the condition…
Just 10 weeks to go! How do you feel?
a) Really excited! I LOVE Christmas!
b) Ready to wind down and take things a bit easier
c) You can find out from my blog – myamazingpregnancy.com. I update it every hour
Mostly As: Don’t worry, no one thinks you’re a pregnancy bore. In fact, no one thinks you’re pregnant. It’s ok to be a little bit excited you know.
Mostly Bs: Not bad – about a four on the Bore-o-meter. We’re guessing you still have all your friends.
Mostly Cs: Lord, woman, would you shut up about your uterus for just five minutes? Don’t be surprised if your baby comes out wearing earmuffs.
What happens to the brain during pregnancy?
Forget the old wives’ tales – the latest research shows that far from making you scattier, pregnancy might give your brain a boost. Tests on animals conducted by neuroscientists at the University of Richmond and Randolph Macon College in Virginia found that the hormonal fluctuations that occur during pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding can actually remodel the parts of the brain involved in learning and memory. Which might explain how you’ve managed to memorise ‘The Bumper Book of Baby Names’ from cover to cover. But not, sadly, why you think anyone else cares.
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